Shannon's Thoughts

12:27 am

SOLDIERS, MARTYRS, and HEROES are proof there are certain things worth dying for. But what I really want to know is where do we learn what is worth living for?

12:19 am

Does it really matter what you do in life? Or does it matter who you do it with?

11:40 am

do YOU believe in love?

02:34 am

So the FIRST OFFICIAL BBQ of 513 EVERGREEN was launched successfully.

i woke up bright and early with the sun @ 6am eager and chipper to start the day. I guess that would be a result of being passed out in bed by 10:30. 
Mary was asleep on the futon and got up too to fill me in on the night before. appearantly we had promised people a barbecue. 

note to self: don't make drunk promises. especially if i has to do with preparing food in a house you just moved in to and have no food nor utensils/dishes to do so.
second note to self: NEVER give mary beaners. ever. she bitches for the rest of the day.

Auto Response from "Squirtmb86" (2:39:44 AM): exhausted because SOMEBODY just had to wake me up at 630 this morning and then proceed to kill me slowly with a beaner's iced mocha...

so in no particular order we...discover jordan on the couch downstairs...make a trip to kroger, the dollar store, steal charcoal...nearly end our friendship, because seriously, I'm not sure if I can be friends with someone who doesn't appreciate kebobs to their full extent.

By 12:30 we had a fantastic fire going and the hungry mouths of Jake Weaver, Kyle Hart, Jason Kanter, and that Joe kid who lives at the box but isn't a dischord and is in a biker gang to feed. 

the weather stayed pretty nice so we hung out on the porch, jammed to LFO, played with a stolen wheen chair, felt like shitheads when a real guy in a wheel chair rolled by, and basically ate good food. 

Jason and I remet the guys next door who had drunkenliy ridden my bike from Mayo to 513 the day I moved in. we got high with them and i discovered that they have a big screen tv, beer pong table, and HBO...new friends???

unfortunately, for some reason, i don't get ABC at my house, so the cousin (eric) rolled up and took me and Weaver back to Phi Tau where we joined Maher and that other Kanter twin (who apperantly i kicked ass with in beer pong hier soir) to say goodbye to Lebron James. 

Overall an interesting day in east lansing. but without getting in too much about self image, a kind of interesting thing happened to me today. a lot happened this weekend which made me extremely self concious in how people view me. Friday night I discovered that no matter how hard you try to be perfect in someone's eyes, there are just some people you can never make happy. then Saturday night I made a complete shit-show of myself and didn't really give a fuck of what i was doing to my reputation, and i found there are people out there who laugh about it with you the next day, still want to hang out with you, or are even big enough to respect you and remember exactly the kind of person you try to be and relate and remember that everyone has their moments. (thank you John Briggs and the roommate Alex)

...all of these thoughts were running through my head as i was getting dressed and i worried a little too much about how I looked, even though i was just running an errand at the dollar store. i remembered that there was a time in my life when people used to call me pretty, or i had a boyfriend who always told me how beautiful i was too him. i realised i hadn't heard any comments like that lately and wondered if 
A) how much of my looks they were really referring to, or if i came off as beautiful because of who i was and 
B) am i still worthy enough to be considered pretty? have i changed into less of a person?

whatever. i didn't have time to figure it out. i had to go to the store.

at the dollar store there was an old lady who seemed a little off. she was talking to herself as she pushed her cart up and down the aisle. she was in line in front of me and it took her awhile to finally check out, but after she did, and as the cashier started to ring me up, the lady came back and asked for another bag. but she said she could wait for the cashier to finish ringing me up first. actually, what her exact words were:

"take care of this lovely customer first. isn't she a pretty girl?"

maybe that lady was smarter than i thought. maybe she could see something that i'm struggling to see myself. maybe ai care too much about what the wrong kind of people are thinking. i have to remember that i can never please everyone and that all i can do is be happy with myself, live in a way that is respected by those i respect most (basically the grandparents, the teachers i remember best, and my sisters). there are WAY too many interferences in life, especially being 19 and in a college town, that can obstruct my view of where i really want to be going, who i really am, and who i must strive to be. 

this weekend was a good wake up call.

12:58 pm

i didn't want to kiss you, but i couldn't not kiss you.

02:10 am - TOP PERFORMANCES IN HUNT AUDITORIUM IN MY BOOK

1. Soft Shoes - Stephen Simowski"...and when he took his bow for the crowd and the crown, the crowd went crazy and the house came down..."
2. Closing number of Tommy’s last night after Mr. Cobb directs the cast to sing from the heart and with the lyrics “Listening to you, I get the music. Gazing at you, I get the heat. Following you, I climb the mountains. I get excitement at your feet. Right behind you, I see the millions. On you, I see the glory. From you, I get opinions. From you, I get the story.” AND WITH THIS ADVICE MEGAN NESTOR’S EYES NEVER LEFT THE BOOTH AS SHE SANG THIS.
3. Natalie Myre as the Narrator
4. Pinball Wizard - that first guitar chord w the lights and the jackets flying up
5. George Blake's tap dancing
6. 2004 Tag Day Senior Salute
7. bringing in a car in Grease
8. Mary Brady and Tommy Sklut’s solo dance at the end of Footloose. Theater brought my 2 worlds of friends together.
9. all 3 Tommy's singing at once “see me…feel me…”
10. Melissa Nestor flying in McGellaguh's pool
11. "Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes"
12. Focal Point (Opening for A New World)
13. "..and who are you? the family." - sufna gheyra and rob feldamn in Lend Me A Tenor
14. "Not I Sir" - Justin Noroyan
15. Party Hard
16. "Momma Says" Encore - Jimmy Wolk, Ben Ryberg, Tommy Sklut, Andy Smith
17. "You can call me by my nickname." "Fred?" "Yes, Fred." - nice cover of Jimmy Wolk's slip up by Jill Wallach
18. Mr. Sturdy square dancing to "Let's Make Believe We're In Love"
19. Jason Lowe as the Tin Man
20. Darrin Dewitt
21. Marc Zakalik as Oliver
22. Bills and Jacobs’ 04 Theme Song/Leetal Levron hypontized at the senior-all-night party
23. Paul and Joey hitting those high notes in "I Love To Cry At Weddings"
24. Becca Singer’s dress strap breaking in the Cuban scene from Guys and Dolls and Mr. Moll keeping her close as a dance partner to avoid exposing her to the audience
25. Kristina Reese being gacked in the head during "Spanish Panic"
26. John Black’s slooow butler walk
27. Rob Feldman’s Austin Powers jump off stage during a twisted Championship
28. Kevin Thiel forgetting his props in Bye Bye Birdie
29. Leopold’s “Thriller”
30. playing hide and go seek at the set building of Once Upon a Mattress with the Sturdy twins
31. Umlauf and the cell phones in the audience
32. Hallucination scenes in Hair
33. “Almost Paradise”
34. Sweet Charity elevator scene
35. Poli’s “Rhapsody in Red, White, and Blue”
36. Jeff and Braden in the “Hawker Scene”

03:44 pm

film. the art of capturing human emotion and conveying it in a sense that allows the audience to relate. forcing the viewer to put themself in the character's place.

today i watched a funeral on tv. seeing the emotion in the actor's face i wondered if i would feel exactly the same way at your funeral. then i realised i wouldn't even go. there would be no more emotion to feel...because you're already dead to me.

02:12 am - Why I love my sister!

Kristine wrote this for a English class...

Ten Things I Hate About Sue

I hate the way your face sags and how you wear your hair
I hate it when you talk about gym cuz no one really cares
I hate it that you give us food poisoning everytime you cook
If i were a fisherman and u a worm, you'd be the first one hooked
I hate it that you think that I'm a self conceited witch
When everyone's used to calling "That ugly retarded bitch!"
I hate it the way you break the computer and blame it all on me
Someone ought to lock u up and throw away the key
I hate it that you took advantage of dad's unsober ways
Who would ever marry you unless they had just blazed
I hate the stupid quesitons you ask like "Do people really drink?"
When every game of beer pong has Shannon in the rink
I hate it that you make me cry and always make me tense
Your dog had the right idea when she jumped over the fence
I hate it when you say lame things and everybody stares
When you try to crack a joke, it brings us all to tears
I hate the way you pity yourself for everything you do
This is just a taste of all things I hate about Sue

10:42 pm - I've forgotten how in love I am...

…with Port Austin that is.

My eyelids part at 7am and I roll out of bed to make waffles. It’s Grandma’s birthday, but of course there is no such thing as making breakfast for Grandma. She refuses to let it happen. The least I can do is make breakfast with Grandma. The doorbell rings early. It’s the neighbor lady. She’s going into town for the day, but wanted to drop off a cake first.

Dad must smell the coffee and gets up. Then Kaitlyn. Grandpa hears the sausage sizzling. Then Uncle Fred walks thru the front door. He knew breakfast would be warm and ready, even at 7:30am. He’s restless and ready to go.  He gets me excited. By 8:00 we’re unloading the boat at the dock. By 8:15 we’re pulling past the breakwall and into open waters.

The wind brushes my hair in an all too familiar soothing way. The smell of fish seems natural. We drift for a while and I crawl to the front of the boat. I watch my feet dangle over the water. The reflection of the clouds gives the impression I am walking on air.

We get back to the docks around noon. Uncle Al, Uncle Harold, and Josh are already cleaning a dozen or so 19” perch. They had been out since 6. Grandma has lunch on the table when we get home. Mom and Aunt Dolores and Jon Jon are all up. The family gathers around the same table we have for my entire life.

It’s impossible for me to take naps at home. Even @ college. But here I am so calm, that I doze off for a few hours after lunch. Kristine wakes me up to go garage sale hopping. I love how as we walk through town we know everyone. They’re all family friends that go way back.

Church is at 4:00. Then rollerblading. Kaitlyn, Eric, Austin, and Steven play roller hockey.  Then dinner @ Fred and Dolores’. Then meeting up with the extended family along our private Kendall beach. There are so many dogs. Poor Odey isn’t here to chase after sticks with them or swim in the chilly water. Christa, Kristine, and I sneak away and drive out to Grindstone for our favorite kind of icecream.

We see many deer on the drive back. Then we walk out to the end of the breakwall and look back at Port Austin from afar. There are fireworks off in the distance toward Port Crescent and homey bonfires along the shore.

This place has always been so special to me. This is where my family lives. This is so much of who I am. But it’s the part of me that’s been lost. I needed this. I needed to rediscover where I come from and who I’m proud to be. I leave tomorrow feeling more secure about myself than I have in a long time.

03:07 am - DETROIT BASKETBALL

…so the Pistons won again tonight. That’s always a good thing. I watched the end of the game @ Mary’s with like a gazillion other people. It was honestly a lot of fun, especially toward the end when it was a bunch of us random college kids who hadn’t been together in a while, yet it seemed as if nothing ever changed. We all called David to wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. It was cute. Then it was over to Haley’s for some quality Jennie/Haley/Shannon time. My two best friends from first grade. :)

On a less exciting and more stupid emotional shannon note, my dad got a camera developed from last summer and there were pictures from Cedar Point on them. There was a picture with me hugging Kevin (in line for the millennium force). We looked so natural and so happy. I realized it was because at that point we were best friends…nothing more. And that’s what I miss. He means the world to me and obviously dating wasn’t our way of being together, but I still truly believe we were put in each others’ lives for more than what it has come to now. I want my “sibling” back…

I miss his intuition, his stubbornness, his creativity, his dry sardonic humor, his simplicity, and even his drama. I thought I missed him when we were living 88 miles a part, but now that he’s

just down the street

I miss him more than ever.

03:41 am - "anything's possible"

strangest thing happened today. after a nice dinner (@ Leo's) w Dante and Papa Gitulli... eRiC, bRaD, tOmMy, and I were playing roller hockey over @ tommy's end of the sub when bRiTtAnI calls saying she got a call from kElSeY saying there was a party over at Shannon's. we found that interesting, so we rolled on up and there were high schoolers EVERYWHERE. Appearantly my sister threw a party for the cast of Seussical while sue was upstairs sleeping. So we decided as the older kids we should supervise and make delicious drinks...for those over 18 only! (ha it was only like 6 of us) but it was a good time nonetheless.

11:31 pm - first official day of summer vacation :)

• ReGiStErEd for summer classes @ OCC....environmental science then econ (with steph! that's # 5)
• cHiLlAxEd while ErIc and pHiL skateboarded outside (beautiful day)
• divulged in tHe Oc with MaTt while I cleaned my room
• convinced sUe to give tOmMy, MaTt, and I grocery money (then we hit up FJ with the sis)

now sleep. kinda tired from doing nothing all day.

10:25 am - almost paradise...

FOR MY MARCUS~

There is no reason I can give you to do the show. In fact for what reason do we commit ourselves, passionately and unreserved, to the lure of the stage? Theater does not give us reasons, it does not reward us with credit or money; it will not get you one step closer to any greater role.

 All the show has to offer is a feeling. It doesn’t amount to much nor does it last long. We can’t impress others with this feeling; we can’t save it and use it again; we can’t put it on fancy resumes. For months you’ll put up with a lot of crap from actors (hehe), long nights and drives, homework piling up, and missed college partying…

BUT

Feeling, emotion, rush

How else do you describe those valuable few instances that make all the sacrifice and devotion worth it?

How else do you describe what happens in that power circle? Or the sight of a packed house? Or the smell of an empty Hunt auditorium when you show up 4 hours before showtime?

What do you feel as you walk into Max and Erma’s with kids caked in stage makeup and sweaty, matted hair? What sound is more pleasing than a quick mic check before YOU pull the red curtain and the doors open? What’s that sense of community? Of family?

What tastes better than rushed carry out dinners in Media 100 with the directors?

What’s more satisfying than knowing you made Aunt Ann proud? When else can you watch Dr. Noroyan dance? What’s more indescribable than the aura in the lobby after the show? Who else gets to hear Cobb fret over headset? Where else will you find such talented people and amazing friends?

Face it Marc. So much of that feeling we get from doing shows is who we are.
 

~Cactus

04:45 am - now and real

                        Before I gazed into other boys eyes’ looking for you.

                    Now I gaze into his eyes and feel content because it’s him.
But there was a time when I could gaze into your eyes and be lost among the stars…

11:56 pm

well that last entry was supposed to be a link but try this: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=kendal54

11:52 pm

first year of college flew by

02:45 pm - this one time at band camp...

Barnaby150: how come everyone in our group is so not sterotypical band kids and everyone's good looking?

05:15 pm - yay for preschool buddies!!!

ImSteveImSpecial: hey knockers my phone number 5145348 correct???
ahhasux2BU: uh...yea
ImSteveImSpecial: hahah alright wanted to make sure
ahhasux2BU: ok
ImSteveImSpecial: i gave someone erics number by mistake once
ahhasux2BU: hahah thats amazing
ImSteveImSpecial: yea it was these girls bill and i picked up at sports club
ahhasux2BU: that's really funny....steven..u are really special
ImSteveImSpecial: i kno

02:30 am - preface

        It is this point at which I have succumbed to apathy in which I am enabled to convey my thoughts clearly. I do not feel swayed or inspired to write with the bias of emotion. I do not feel, unless it’s possible to feel numbness. The human body is remarkable. When it loses one sensory it overcompensates with another. The blind hear better; the crippled are more observant. At the age of thirteen I was diagnosed with a chronic auto-immune nerve disorder. I lost sensation in my legs, hands, even tongue. This extreme loss of feeling was amended in my heart. I experienced a new appreciation for life, an overzealous flare to live, laugh, love, and dream. This made my high school experience the best it could be. I lived those four years to the fullest and recognized that with each fleeting moment there was a purpose, a lesson. None of it was wrong. Even the sad times, the troubled times were there to learn from and were to be endured so that the great times could be made great. I knew this all along and now looking back I still see it. What I did not see was the abyss left to fulfill the meaning of those memories.

11:45 pm - Lunch

                                                                11:24 – 11:54         12:01 – 12:31     12:12 – 12:47
    It's amazing how easily we unconsciously slip into routine and how even easier it is to fall out of it and forget. Everyday for 4 years I ate with the same group of people. WE started at the table near the seniors and the vending machine. Imitating Annie Brady, drooling over Andy Ludwig, and cracking up over Alex Talwar and Chris Burrows obnoxiously tackling each other.

*Otis Spunk Myer Cookies*

     Then there was the phase of ugly kids, and “peter”, and Glenn on the ceiling! Along with karate chopping Styrofoam trays and getting kisses, twixes, and one of everything from the vending machine.

*Sending Crush bottles*

    Springtime meant moving outside and taking over the picnic tables. Or camping out on the lawn to play guitar and watch the sk8er kids. Hudson moved away and we made a video all about the great lunches he would miss. We grew up and joined the Gutter Bunnies (+ Kelly :) ) and the drumline. Rob hated the smell of fresh Tim Horton’s soup but bitched if we didn't get him anything. There we had contests to see who could fit the most in their mouths or run lines for Lend Me A Tenor.

*Never give Derek the blow horn*

The section in the back near the window was ours. Even at post-college breakfast we sat there. In our own world. There was Jeopardy, hackey-sack, and mad homework copying. Everyday Diane packed Mary extra crackers for me. Melanie all 4 years had a lunch full of enough poptarts and granola bars to feed all the starving in Africa. Jackie Sherbrook sandwiches were the best and hard to bargain for. But having the freshmen stand in line to buy your lunch was easy.
       
                         Rachel always saved a seat for James.
                                         Amanda Belkin always came by to say hi to Brett.
                                                        Al always threw food, but got Melanie in trouble for it.
                                                                           Mr. Horner came around with the trash barrels.
                                                                                               Ai was obsessed with oranges.
                                                                                                                    Marc was obsessed with Reeses.
                                                                                                                                            Kimmie and her vegan foods.

    The only class that could get David, Mary, Megan or I to leave TV-10 was lunch. There was always talk of homecoming, prom, water wars, weekend plans, the musical, college apps, acceptances, and roommates, AP physics, Mary’s mom, and of course band…

                                                        Today I had lunch with Melanie, Justin and Katie.